Informal Theme #1: Insensitive Buddy

“oy” He texted me.
“?” I didn’t know what to reply. I acted as if I’m too busy to have a conversation with him when the truth is I wanted to text him early in the morning.
“La lang.. xD txt txt xD” Imagining him, smiling at me, sends me butterflies in my stomach.
“Kaay.” Of course I’d like that! I mean, I would love that!

Sigh, here we go again. No, it should be “Here I go again.” I keep on admiring him, secretly.  I know the feeling’s not mutual, but here I am, hoping that its sweetness that he’s showing me. How did I know? Well, it’s too obvious that it’s just friendship that he’s showing. He does it carelessly, stubbornly, and insensitively. I’m not concluding that he isn’t such a nice guy, but knowing him for like, 5 years? I could tell, it’s just his normal way of treating someone close to him. Yes we’re close. Just like apple is to pie, bread is to butter, and just like a solid molecule to another solid molecule. I like him so much that my way of talking to him is just like dogs are to cats; water is to fire, and especially how bitter flavor treats sweets. It’s kinda funny how we treat each other like enemies, but I find it cute, ha-ha, yeah cute, He still like to talk to me even though I send him glare-full looks and knife-like insults.

In some times, I send him half baked jokes, saying “I love you”, “I miss you” and even such corny call signs. He plays along. Yeah, he sends “I love you too”s and “I miss you too”s. How I wish that moment was real, not a “play along” stuff, that it’s from his organ at the upper, left of the body, his heart. One time, he says it with a smiley face, which gave me goose bumps. I don’t know why but there’s a part of me wanting to believe him, but the other part tells me that it’s just a trip, saying “He’s just bored you know? Don’t be fooled, you’ll be the one suffering in the end” In the end, I ended up thinking that it was just a big imagination, or a joke maybe. The next day, back to normal. Like yesterday didn’t happen. Like a “none-of-your-monkey-business” scene. Simply, it was just a dream.

Until now, my feelings for him are still voiceless. I wasn’t heard, and haven’t given any attention. It’s hard to keep it to myself, but I manage to still be happy, especially for myself. I just let time pass, and focus more on my studies. I guess I’m not really brave enough to tell him this. I know, pride. Yeah, afraid of facing the truth. Well, please don’t put the blame on me, as the saying goes, “Do not judge someone, you don’t know how they feel, how it hurts.” Ha-ha. Yeah I know.  It’s kinda funny and stupid, too, living in this one-sided-story of mine.